Domino
by Muffins Planned
Summary: Meredith faints in the hospital, and gets a terrible diagnose. Will she survive? How will everyone cope? Read and review.
1. Her world goes black

Title: Who is left to be saved

Summary: The world started to go black, my head was pounding, I could hear my heart beat faster, and it was getting hard to breath, I couldn't speak.

(AN: I'm sorry for the spelling mistakes, but this is the best I can do, so tell me which words that are spelled wrong, so I can get better, I don't have a dictionary at home, and my father is not home right now to help me... I started to learn how to spell english when I was 10, I'm now 14, and getting to the "harder" words. But I suck at spelling swedish too... But I hope you like it, and this is the first GA fanfic I have ever written)

Disclaimer: (I always forgett this) Do not own Grey's Anatomy

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_A day can begin in so many ways, you can wake up happy, next to to man you love, or sad, because you don't, you can wake up and feel nothing, just to get ready and go to work, wake up next to someone you wish was someone else, or like me, wake up and have no idea if that was what you really wanted..._

The coffee tasted bitter in her mouth, it didn't taste as good as it used to, so she put the cup down, and made tea, when the tea wasn't good either, she decided to not drink anything. She made a sandwich and ate it on the way to the hospital.

She sat in the car and waited for Izzie and Gorge to come out and they could start their drive to work, when they finally came, her sandwich was long gone, and they were bickering about something, like always. She smiled at them, and drives out of the driveway. When they don't stop bickering after a long time, she grows tired of it, and puts on the radio at a red light, and she sighed, she still ahdn't figured out why they had this argument.

When the lights turned green, she drove out in the junction, but came to a quick halt when another car drove against red, they were inches from getting hit by it.

The car was silent, only the radio playing a new hit song, their breaths were caught in their troaths, and when they finally could breath, it was heavy, Meridith looked back.

"Are you okay?" they nodded, and she continued their drive to the hospital, and hoped that someone saw the cars license number.

When they got to the hospital, Izzie and Gorge started bragging to Christina about almost getting hit by a car.

"It was so close, like inches apart!" Gorge exclaimed.

"If you were hit, I hope I would've been the one to operate on you" Christina smirked, and then Baylie walked in, and told them that they were working in the ER that day. And after 5 minutes in the ER, the first ambulance came in.

"Stevens, you take the shot wound and Karev, you take the beaten, the rest of you, get back to work!" Baylie yelled at them, Gorge and Izzie walked unhappy back into the ER.

2 hours, and a lot of whiny patients later, Meredith was paged up to surgery, leaving Gorge as the only intern at the ER,

She walked up to reseption at the floor to ask where Dr.Burke was, the one who had paged her to come up. But as she started to walk up, the room started swaying a little, and she had to grab the desk for support, but as she did so, a huge head ache came, and her eyes started to blacken, she could hear her heart beat faster and faster, and when she found it hard to breath, she tried to tell the woman behind the desk that she needed help, but she found that she couldn't speak.

"Dr.Grey?" she heard a familliar voice say. "Dr.Grey? Are you allright?" she couldn't place the voice, and she couldn't see, so she just shooke her head, and felt tears roll down her face when it became harder to breath, and the head ache got worse. "Dr.Grey, what's wrong?" it was the cheif, and as soon as that thought passed her mind, she felt her legs give in, and soon felt the floor against her body, then it went black.

"Dr.Grey?" the cheif yelled. "Get a gourny in here!"

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They will get longer, this is just the start, and please R&R :) 


	2. What's wrong with Meredith?

AN: This chapter I'm going to have Izzie in it, but I think she's the hardes to write about, so forgive me if it's OOC. And thanks for all the reveiws, they really made me want to write an other chapter, and I was surprised that you liked it. :)And thank my mother for this story, she made me stay home from school...(I have only watched till the "bomb" episodes, so I have no idea what happens after that, so this will go after what I have seen, and this will MAYBE be a MerDer, we'll see, but it probably will) And I know I said I'd make this one longer, but I'll make more chapters then ;)

Everything from last chapter stands, exept the part of my dad not being home... :S

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"How is she?" Derek asked the cheif, who had a worried look on his face. 

"She's still uncountious, they have taken her up to do a CT on her brain" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"What do you think it is?"

"We don't know yet, but I would asume it's a brain tumour" he turned to look out of the window they were standing at, before he turned back to Derek. "If it is so, I have to call in an other brain surgeon"

"What?" he looked shocked at the chief. "Why?"

"You're emotionally involved with her, that's why" the cheif turned to leave, but Derek stopped him.

"Then the surgeon has to be pretty damned good" Derek walked past the chief, and out into the corridor.

_So uh good bye..._

_Derek_

_Derek right... Meredith_

"Dr.Shepard" a nurse yelled after him. "The cheif wants to speak with you"

5 minutes later he was in the cheifs office.

"I want you to take a vacation..." the cheif started.

"What?"

"Starting now, and it will last for 5 weeks"

"What's wrong with Meredith?"

"You will figure out what you want, cause right now you're acting like a 15 year old boy with two girlfriends"

"What are you asking me to do?"

"Take a vacation" there was a long pause, where they stared at each other, Derek crossed his arms, and then he spoke.

"What's wrong with Meredith?"

"Go home, you're on vacation"

--

Izzie stood in Merediths room, and looked down at Meredith who was still uncontious, she could hear her heart beat in a steady rythm, not like before when her heart was beating like crazy, she had been really worried then.

She heard a sigh from Meredith, and walked over to her bed, and saw Meredith looking up at her.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Meredith looked up at her and shruged. Izzie frowned, and sat down on Merediths bed. Meredith opend her mouth to speak, but the no sound came from her lips, and with that she raised an eyebrow, and gave her a look that said 'see what I mean?'.

Izzie looked at her with worry in her eyes.

"This is not good" Meredith nodded, before she pointed first at Izzie, then pointed angry at herself. "What?" she took the pen on the side of her bed and then a note pad that laid there too, and gave it to Meredith.

**Don't you think I know that?** she wrote.

-------

Christina stood with Dr.Burke in the other end of the corridor of the floor that Meredith was in.

"Why won't they tell us anything?" Christina said walking from wall to wall in the small corridor.

"They tell us when they know" he said, and took her by her shoulders.

"I can't loose her" she said, and looked up in his eyes. He sometimes forgott that she wasn't really as hard as she let on, when she looked at him like that, she looked like a dog who just wanted to be loved.

"You won't loose her"

"I can't loose her, she's my person" he pulled her into a hug, he knew he shouldn't tell her things like that, but he wasn't a doctor in that moment, he was her boyfriend, her friend.

"You won't loose her"

-----

Derek walked into her room, and looked down at her sleeping in her bed.

_Stop looking at me like that!_

_Like you've seen me naked!_

He laughed slightly at the memorie, that was before this, before Addison came back. He sat down on her bed, making her stirr awake.

She looked at him, she looked at him with an intsense gaze, which he responded to, and they looked at each other, for ages the looked at each other like that. He smiled at her, she looked so small in the bed.

He turned around when a noise was heard at the door, he turned around and saw Addison standing there.

"Addison..." he started to explain.

"I thought I'd find you here..." she said, and leaned against the door frame.

"She's my friend" he said.

"If you have to tell yourself that" she said with a sad voice "I'll see you at home" and with that she left, with Derek soon after.

Meredith stared at the door, why is it so that he had such a hard time making up his mind?

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In an other room in the hospital, not so far from Meredith's room, two doctors were looking at something on the wall.

"So what are we looking for?" the female doctor said to the male doctor.

"That" the male doctor said and pointed at something.

"Oh my god... this is not good..." the doctors looked at each other, Dr.Grey was not in a good position.


	3. Welcome to the OR

(AN:So I wrote this really quick, I shoul actually do my homework, but as you see, I haven't. And there are some words that I wasn't really sure about how they are spelled, and this will consist of a part that is Meredith's POV, the whole next chapter will be in her POV too. Hope you'll enjoy while I will do my homework, and all the things from the first chapter stands :) )

The room was silent, the doctors were standing by the bed, the friends- interns, were standing in the backround, the patient- a intern, was avoiding everyonce gazes, memories flooded her mind, from when she was a child, to only two days ago, memories that once were present.

"What can you do?" she asked, knowing the answer, but she just wanted to be wrong, she wanted to be wrong so bad.

"We will take you up to surgery tomorrow, and when the lab results comes back, we will start the chemotherapy." a doctor she did not reconize said, they were all new faces, she didn't know if she could trust them.

"Who said I wanted the chemo?" she said, fighting the tears in her eyes, she had gotten back her ability to speak when she didn't have a swolen troath anymore, something they thought was caused by an allergic reaction to the meds.

"Meredith!" Izzie protested loudly.

"It's my choice okay? Mine!" she knew she would go with the chemo, but she wanted to think, did she really want to loose her hair? Trow up all the time? Get physical disabilites added with effects that could come after the surgery, she maybe wouldn't survive the surgery. Then she maybe would have to drop out of the program, and would have to take a crapy job instead, all that she had been living for would be gone, just like that.

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Derek and Addison were sitting in the trailor, the news of Meredith had been in the form of a phone call, and Derek had zooned out after that Addison had told him, and she was now looking at him, not knowing what he still did with her, Addison.

Derek knew the operation would be risky, any operation could be risky. He closed his eyes tightly, he could not help her, he could not be there for her, he looked over at Addison, not in any way.

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Meredith stood in the shower, washing her hair with disinfection that made her hair tangle. She cried as she did this, she tried to pretend that she was in the shower at home, and that she made herself ready for... a date. She tried to pretend that Izzie was downstairs baking, and George was complaining that the hotwater would run out if she stood in there too much looger. She tried to pretend that she was not going to have this surgery tomorrow, but that she would preform it. And she pretended that if she hoped hard enough, it would be true.

She was interupted by a knock on the door.

"Your bed is ready now" a nurse told her, and she looked at her watch that laid on the sink. 22.05, she sighed, and she stepped out of the shower, 12 hours ago she was down in the ER, and helping patients, now she was one.

She stoped once after putting on the hospital gown, and looked at herself in the mirror, she thought that maybe, tomorrow, she would wake up, and she would be at home, and this would be a nightmare. She thanked someone up in heaven for being so naïve.

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Izzie, George and Christina was down in the locker room, changing to go home.

"We can't go home, Meredith is up there, dying!" George protested.

"What can we do? She will be a sleep all night, and we will be back before she even wakes up"

"How could she sleep? She has just found out that she has a decease that could kill her, and not only that, but that she has a tumour in her brain that could kill her while they are trying to get rid of it, and if she doesn't get rid of it, she will also die"

"George, we can't do anything" Christina said, growing anoyed at him.

"She can die, Meredith can die" and with that he stormed out of the locker room.

------

_Meredith POV _

_I looked up as they walked into the room, they who would take me to my rescue, or to my death, pick or shoose. They wheeled me out, slowly, so slow that it was painfull. The corridor was silent when they wheeled me by, everyone looked at me, but my eyes were fixated at my feet, trying to concentrate on something else._

_When the doors into the OR open, it's almost like I feel the feeling when I'm about to operate, the exitement, the adrenalinrush, knowing that something could go wrong, but it was numbed by the feeling of reality, the feeling of the present, like it just dawned on me that this could be the last day of my life._

_I told them that I wanted them that I didn't want to be a wake when they shaved my hair. _

_They put the mask over my mouth, and told me to count backwards from 10._

_10... a tear droped from my eyes... 9... I feel against my cheel... 8... Should I say goodbye?... Black._


	4. My point of the world

AN: I'm so sorry for the total lack of update, I wrote half of this chapter, then I got a writers block, so that's why this chapter is so short... and I had a very busy week, they set our grades last week, so I had to be extra good in school, but I forgot all my homeworks at home so... I'm very smart. But now it's christmas break, and I will be able to update more often :) probably... But I'm happy to say that my first grade in English was A- :) (we get our first grade 8th grade) so I can't be that bad...

So thank the snow that finally came for this chapter :)

All disclaimers stands. (An yeah, I changed the name, the last one didn't fit, don't know how I thought of that name...)

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_Meredith POV_

_My vision became black, and it felt like I was sleeping. Would the last thing I would remember of the world be black? Darnkness. There were no memories, no smells, no feelings, nothing, it was just like I was sleeping, but that is true, I was sleeping. I could hear memories, but they were distant, like murmers, I couldn't even place the voices, and then I woke up._

_I couldn't move my head, my arms and legs felt stiff, there were IV's in my both my arms and feet, I could hear my steady heartbeat and breathing. The room was dark, and I couldn't see anyone in there, but I could feel someone though._

_"Meredith?" a voice spoke kindly, and Derek walked up to me, and held up two fingers infront of me. "How many fingers am I holding up?"_

_"Two!" I tell him, sounding angry._

_"How are you feeling?" he ask kindly again, and starts looking at the monitors._

_"How do you think I'm feeling?" I told him angry. "I've just woken up from a brain surgery!" I closed my eyes, and I heard a monitor start beeping._

_"Meredith, you have to breathe"_

_"I am breathing!" If I could, I would've crossed my arms over my chest like a grumpy child, but my arms wouldn't move. _

_"Good" Derek told me._

_"I know it's good, now leave me alone" I pouted my lips, I didn't want him around me, it hurt like hell, knowing he is there, caring for me, but I can't have him. And he left._

_I don't know how long it took for me to fall asleep again, not long I guess, and the next time I woke up, Izzie, George and Christina were in the room with me._

_"Hi" I greeted them tired._

_"How are you feeling?" Izzie asked with her normal concern._

_"Fine actually, exept for the headache though... to bad that I'm allergic to the morphine..." I smiled at them. "How did the surgery go?"_

_"It went good, no major complications" George told me, and I nodded._

_"I think it's wrong that Dr.Petersons interns got in the operations, and not us" Christina spoke up. "While you were in surgery, I was stuck with this guy who puked all over me!" I laughed, but felt my eyelids grow heavier._

_"Is it okay if I sleep?" I fell asleep before I even heard an answer._

_The next time I woke up, I felt more alert than last time, and I saw that I was no longer in the ICU. I was in a new room, simillar to the one I was before the surgery. The room was pink, and I could hear that someone was in the bathroom, I smiled to myself when I heard someone singing, at it was not so good. The bathroom door opend, and out walked George, I smiled at him._

_"Nice singing in there" George blushed slightly, and looked away._

_"Oh..I uh.."_

_"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone" I told him honestly._

_"Tell anyone what?" Asked Christina as she and Izzie walked in, sitting down at the end of my bed, eating crisps._

_"Nothing" I said to them, and smiled. _

_"Oh, it's something all right!" Christina smiled. "McDreamy hasn't been into work the last couple of days"_

_"So...?" I waited for the answer I somehow knew was coming._

_"The cheif made him take 5 weeks of holiday" Izzie told me. _

_"Why?"_

_"Because of you!" Christina almost yelled, then she broke in to a grin. _

_"Right" was my answer, sure that he would be forced on a break because of me, no way._

_They stayed an other 10 minutes telling me all the gossip that went around the hospital at the moment, then they all got a page down to the ER, and they had to leave me, it was fine by me, I was half asleep when they left._

_I yawned and looked lazy out of the window, I heard ambulances, cars and childrens playfull scream, I smiled, life would be fine, maybe. _

_Just before I couldn't fight the sleep anymore, I heard the door open, and in walked Derek, but before I managed to say anything, I was asleep._

_I woke up a few hours later, it was in the middle of the afternoon and some doctors were walking into my room, worried looks on their faces, it's never good when they have worried looks._

_"We've got your test results back" the doctor who had been in charge of her operation said. "And they say that your tumour was type 4, it's possibilty that it might have spread in your body. Even though we got rid of the most of it, it's still in your system, and if it is so that it has spread, then we have to get you in to the OR again, as quickly as we can."_

_I was at shock, it was good that they didn't use medical terms, cause I barly understood what they were saying anyway._

_"We will start you on the chemo, you will come in two times every month to get it, and you'll stay over night, you will probably loose your hair" I closed my eyes, waiting for that last word, the one that will leave me sleepless at night. "5 years after we stoped the treatment, we can be sure that it won't come back, untill then we can't be sure"_

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**R&R, please I'd really like to know what you think, good? bad?**

**Marry Christmas everybody:D**


	5. Scared

AN: Happy new year! I hope you all had a lovley celebraiting the new year, I celabraited with my familly like every year :) And my two sisters who never drinks got... drunk, it was funny and it was loud. Well, here is the next chapter, I'm sorry for the confusion of the last chapter, I was very confused when I wrote it, I had a block, and I just wrote it so I would get somewhere. And sorry if some things aren't right in this chapter, like facts about the past and so, cause I've missed a lot of episodes, and can't see the reruns...:/

Thanks for all the reveiws, it always brings a smile to my face, and yes, Marry Christmas was a joke :P. Merry Christmas is too late to say now I think...

Okay: so here is the next chapter

Disclaimer: I wish I did own it... I do it in my dreams, but well, I don't so no sue okay?

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She sat up in her bed, the clock next to her bed read with big read numbers: 5.35am, taunting her that she couldn't sleep, that life would go on, even if felt like it was about to go under. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She got home from the hospital a week ago, after spending two weeks at the hospital, today she was going back for the night to have her first chemo. It was poison that would go through her veins, they'd put in a special thing under her arm that leads the medecin to her heart, and out into her whole body, it was too strong to go through an IV. She had also cut her har, it was shorter, it reached just bellow her ear, it was so that when she would loose her hair, it wouldn't be so much.

At 6.30 Izzie was going take her to the hospital, she was nurvous, this was the thing that would save her, but it could also get her killed trying. Without thinking her hand went up to the bandage that still was on the top of her head, hiding the scars. Why did people get cancer? Why did people get alzhimers, why did people get anything. She still remembred the last patient she treated before she got paged by Burk, a 10 year old girl with symptomes of diabetes, but the girl wasn't fat, she had a very slim figure. The mother got mad at her for giving her that diagnose, and demanded her to run the tests again, that was when she got paged by Bruk.

Her life was falling apart, peice by peice, it was like someone packed it inside of a box, maybe that was good, cause then she could pick it up again, and start over from where she left off. Like nothing ever happend.

She glanced at the clock that had taunted her all night, 5.55am, and she figured she might as well get up. She was glad that she could walk around on her own again, her first few days back home was challenging, when they were driving home every turn and bump in the road hurt, it got to the point where she asked them not to turn anymore.

As she sat down at the table in the kichen, she let her hands feel the surface, she never really looked at the house, it was the house she grew up in, so she just asumed that she knew everything about the house, every coulor the rooms were painted in, what coulor the couch was, how many chairs it were in the kitchen and so on, but now she saw it, she saw it like it was the first time, but it felt like the last time.

Izzie walked into the kitchen and looked at Meredith when she poured herself some coffee, and then sat down next to her. Meredith was having her first chemo today._ It is crazy_, Izzie thought,_ that Meredith has cancer,_ that was a thing she thought couldn't happen, it was just other people who got cancer. She couldn't see Meredith in that position, loosing her hair and all that, but she couldn't see her lose the fight of fighting it. It was stupid to get the hopes up, to thinking that she would survive it, there was always a posibility that she wouldn't, but hoping wouldn't hurt, cause she knew Meredith was a fighter, so long Izzie had known Meredith, she knew it. Meredith could look like she was weak on her bad days, but that was a thing Derek brought in her, that was what Izzie thought any way.

George was at the hospital, Izzie had gotten the morning off to take Meredith to the hospital, she thought it would be sort of nice, be able to sleep in a little, and talk a while to Meredith, but Meredith was quiet, she just stared into her cup of coffee, making no sign of even knowing that Izzie was in the same room as her. But Meredith knew, she just didn't know how to carry on like everything was okay, when it was far from it.

_It's strange_, Meredith thought, _I always thought that when you got the diagnose that you could die, that you would take every moment you got to live, to do the things you wanted to do, not sit and sulk... _

After a while they sat in the car on the way to the hospital, last time she was in that car, and was going to the hospital, she was the doctor, and not the patient, strange how life can change huh? They stoped at the same red light where they almost got hit by a car 3 weeks ago, she almost felt nurvous that it would happen again. _Life's a nightmare, _Meredith thought, nothing looked like it was going her way. But maybe it was going her way, in a sick way then, that if she would survive this, she would be more happy about her life, and not always seeing the negative side, not being so bitter all the time.

When they stood there, the rain started falling, it fell down and surrounded the car. She looked out of the window at the still slightly dark road, she loved when it was dark and it was raining, it was those day's she could lay in bed, or just watch tv all day, when it's sunny it felt like she had to go out side and do something.

They got to the hospital without any "almost accidents", and quickly hurried inside the hospital, along with many other people who just arrived to the hospital parking lot. Inside they could still hear the rain falling on the roof, it was starting pour down. Izzie glanced at Meredith who hadn't said a word all morning, she was starting to get worried about her.

They stepped into the elevator, and started the ride up to the floor where Meredith would get her treatments over the year, it stoped on the surgeryfloor, and in walked Addison and Derek, _like the day could get any worse, _Meredith thought, and smiled the biggest smile she could at them, though it was kind of small and thight. They smiled back, Addison had a smiliar smile as Meredith had.

"How are you feeling Dr.Grey?" Addison said triying to be nice, but it looked forced as she glanced at the display telling them what floor they were on, this didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the elevator.

"I'm fine..." she said simply a few seconds later, and the doors opend and she hesitated once before gettong out.

That was it, she was going to do it. She stood just outside the elevators, looking into the corridor. It was terrifying, she wanted more than anything to just go home and hide under her covers, she wanted to wake up from this nightmare. She stood there for a minute next to Izzie, just looking infront of her before she turned to Izzie with pleading eyes.

"I'm scared Izzie... I mean... I shouldn't be scared of this... this is the thing that's going to cure me" she stoped rambeling for a second and thought. "I'm scared shitless" Izzie looked her in her eyes before speaking, not tearing her eyes away from her.

"It's okay to be scared, it's normal to be scared" she said, and that was the only thing Meredith needed, she nodded.

"Okay" Izzie took Merediths arm, and walked down the hall, she could be scared. This could turn out okay, it can be okay, maybe. She smiled slightly, she could survive this, she would survive this.

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It ended happier then it started, that's good... well I think so anyway XD, but don't get your hopes up...

So I hope you liked this chapter, cause it got a lot of internet crashing, the computer not picking up what I wrote, and my feet went to sleep one time... And yeah, a lot of my mom yelling at me to get off the computor...and.. well you get the point, it caused trouble.

So R&R, what do you like, and what don't you like. Any thing you think doesn't fit in the chapter, and so on.


	6. Our point of veiws

A ramble: So I thought I'd update, I kind of knew how I was going with this chapter, but couldn't get it down... But yeah... as you see, here it is! I wrote this chapter before, and when I was going to save it and update- the internet didn't work, and the chapter disappeared... :/ And well... I had A LOT of homework, so it took a while, and the reason to why I did it now, was because I was so quick in school so I did my homework in class :) But well (again) here the chapter is!

Okay you know what? Sweden rocks!!! You know why? Because the Nobel price comes from here, volvo is founded, Roxett and you know what? Abba is from the same town as I live in :D Well half of them (my mom knew one of their littlesister)... well let's drop this and get this show on the road!  
This is about everyone BUT Meredith, of cours it's a little about her, c'mon, the girls dying... (But only because I made her, muwhahahaha)

And now I've changed title again! "Domino" fit better, I hated the names I've given this story

Disclaimer: Okay, everybody together this time, don't be shy: I DON'T OWN GREY'S ANATOMY! (Oh, you in the back, do you?)

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_Izzie_

She wished for a blackout, so that her alarmclock wouldn't wake her in the morning, let her sleep in, but the world had other plans, and that horrible song that woke her up didn't make it better, it was only scream.

She burried her head in the pillow, and let out a moan, she wanted to break that alarmclock, but all her arm let her do was to hit the table next to the alarmclock with a loud bang, that made her sit straight up and grab her arm. When she had woken up a bit more, she slamed the alarmclock just as she was going to before.

She slowly made her way out of bed, half sleeping, she dreamed of times when she would sleep to at least 7.

The light that greeted her when she opend her bedroom door was too bright for her taste.

"Coffee" she muttered, and made her way downstairs, just missing the sound of someone puking in the bathroom.

-------------------

_George_

The horrible sound of Izzie's alarmclock woke him up seconds before his own. He hated Izzie's alarmclock, radio, urgh, why couldn't she have a normal beeping sound or something like that, not a radio that could play a song that he would end up singing in the elevator at work.

He heard a bang from her room, and he chuckled slightly at the thought of her trying to kill her alarmclock.

He pitchured her in a comic, standing there with fists up in fight position, dressed as a ninija, and the alarmclock singing infron of her.

He had to muffle his laugh with his pillow to not laugh out loud. And when he did so he heard her bedroom door open, and her footspets down stairs. He decided that he should also get up, and shook his head slightly as the image crossed his mind once again. He would be stuck with it all day.

As he walked out of his bedroom, he heard Meredith in the bathroom, and walked up to the door, knocking softly.

"Meredith, are you okay?" he asked, and she opend the door, and in there stood a rather pale Meredtith with thin hair that just rached her ears, looking at him with blank eyes.

"Yeah... just felt a bit nauseus..." she said lamly, and began her way to her room.

"Do you need anything?" he asked her, willing to do anything for her at the moment,

"No, I just need some rest" he nodded as he saw her slip into her bedroom, and then made his way downstairs.

Just as he was on in way into the kitchen, there was a knock on the door, he sighed, and looked into the kitchen where a new pot of coffee was calling his name, and then at the door that was being pounded at, he choose the door, damned visitors.

When he opend ther door brown hair greeted him, the man looked up, Derek was standing in the door of their house.

"Dr.Shepard" he said somewhat confused.

"O'Malley" he said, soudning just as he did in the hospital, dominat "...is Meredith home?" from sounding so dominant to sounding so small was just as big of a shock as seeing him outside their door at 4 in the morning

"She's sleeping" George said, just wanting Derek to go away, home to his wife, to the hospital, where ever, just not outside Meredtith's home. "She's not feeling so good" he looked behind him, into the kitchen, where he still couldn't see Izzie, where was the woman when he needed her. "She needs to rest" he added when he saw that Derek made no move to leave.

"Can't I just see her?" Derek said with a low voice, sounding desperate.

"Dr.Shepard, she'd just gone through her first chemo, she needs her rest" he insisted.

"O'Malley, I just need to see her" his voice was dominant.

"If you need to see her so bad, why don't you see her when she is awake, or when she_ wants _to see you"

"O'Malley, I'm your boss-"

"And it's low to use your possition to see her that way" he cut him off. "Can't you just..." George added, when he heard what he'd said, he couldn't believe he snapped at his boss... boy he needed that cup of coffee that was screaming to him, telling him it's fershly made, and that all he needs to do is slam the door in his boss' face, and rush into the kitchen.

"Fine... I'll come back later" Derek said after a few sedonds of silence. With one last glance up the stairs, he was so close to her, but so far away, all he wanted to do was hold her, tightly. He didn't want to loose her, not Meredith, it was sad, that he had to realise how much her loved her when she was dying.

When George had closed the door, he hurried into the kitchen and took a sip of the coffee. He earned a stare from Izzie, but it was worth it.

--------------------------

_Christina, (Burk)_

Burk sang in the shower, she hated that habit, he didn't sing good either, he was too happy, on the verge to being disgusting, but all she could do as she stood there brushing her teeth was roll her eyes, Burk knew she did it, but when she tried to protest against his singing, he sang even louder, and sometimes splashed her with water, ending with a small water fight.

It always made them late for work either way, but she didn't mind really, she liked the envious glances she got from other doctors.

When she did her make up, as always, Burk steped out of the shower, and walked into their bedroom to get dressed, on the way he kisses her cheek, and she wipes away the water from the shower, but when he is out of the bathroom, a smile creeps on her face.

It's rutine, she loved the rutine, she always found them for the stupidest things, she never found them for cleaning, but thanks to her Bruks apartment didn't look like no one has ever been inside the apartment.

A few minutes later, they're both dressed and ready for a new day at work. Burk tells her a story he remembered when he was showering, Christina instantly thought it was a dirty one, but was slightly disappointed when he told her of his second day as an intern, the first day she'd all ready heard about, it was quite boring, so she thought the second day would be too, but 2 minutes later she found herself being unable to stop laughing.

She couldn't imagen Burke as a lasy intern, that just didn't seam right.

The walked into the hospital, the rain had stoped just when they walked out of the apartment, but the ground was still wet. Christina hurried up to the locker room, she smirked as she got a few envious glances as she walked up to George and Izzie, she missed Meredith, Meredith was the one person that was the most like her, but she had way more mush and drama in her life, way more.

After a few snide comments about their conversation, Izzie confirmed, without even a question about it, that Meredith was fine consider... _Fine consider..._

A few moments later, they were given their tasks for the day, and she was on the hunt for a good case, she didn't want to get stuck with a whiny patient that wouldn't even get into the OR.

-------------------------

_Derek_

He'd been trown out, George wouldn't let him in, the Cheif didn't want him in his hospital at the moment, Addison told him that she knew he loved Meredith, and she didn't think it was fair that she had to put herself through it, so she told him that they should get a divorse... The marrige that broke him and Meredith apart, is ending, he hated himself.

There had been few women in his life that he loved, one was his mother, he had adored her since forever. When he started college, he had his first real girlfriend, they dated for three years, and 4 years after that, he met Addison.

He may have flirted with manny women in his life time, but he respected women, he loved few though.

Meredith he had loved more then anyone, she was diffrent, she found everything ironic, even her life wa ironic. She was beautiful in his eyes, she will forever be, she was more then beautiful, there was no way to discribe how he saw Meredith, but the respect for women and Addison was bigger. He didn't know why he respected Addison so much, after what she'd done, but he guessed he drove her to it.

He was on a boat, his eyes studied the sea, the city, the grey sky that matched his dull feelings. He looked down at the railing, he deserved it, but she didn't. Why did fate play those games on him, why did they choose _her, _why couldn't life go back to normal, rewind and play, stop everything from happening. But he wouldn't have done it diffrently really, if life went this way, he didn't want to know the "what if's", he didn't even want to think about it.

He small waves crash against the boat, and then turned around, in two days he was going back to work, he wondered what was waiting for him there, he hadn't been there since Meredith's first treatment, the Cheif had called him in that day, wanted to tell him the exact date of his return, the day a new patient was coming, a case he had been studing for the last weeks.

When he walked off the boat, 30 minutes later, he didn't feel that calm feeling he used to feel, instead that pain of worry had only grown. He looked back at the boat and sighed, ran a hand through his hair. No matter how much he wished, made promises to himself, or thought about it, there was no bigger chance of Meredith surviving this, it was no ones choise. If there was, he would be sure to kill the person.

He walked slowly to his car, the wind started to blow harder, but he hardly noticed. He sat in his car, druming on the wheel, looking out over the water, when did things get this compilcated- _a long time ago... before Meredith_ a voice in his head answered.

He shut his eyes once before starting the car, taking a deap breath, and then drove to the trailer.

-------------

_Izzie_

She looked over at George, he was taking this hard, his eyes were scaning the room, she could tell his mind was somewhere else. Life had changed so much over the past few weeks, ever since they heard that Meredith had colapsed everything had changed. They never fought on the way to work, never found anything good to talk about, everything was around Meredith, or Meredith's treatment. If she hadn't known better, she would've been slightly angry for it. But Meredith needs her suport, everyones suport, and they wouldn't doubt a second to give her it.

She put a hand on his shoulder, and he looked at her suprised, like he hadn't seen that she was in the room, or forgotten about her, she smiled tightly at him, and squeezed his shoulder, befor letting go, and she walked out of the room. No words, cause she couldn't comfort him and say everything is going to be okay, cause there is a possibility that everything wouldn't, she didn't want to give him a promise that she might break, or hurt him with saying it, so he himself has to think about it.

She watched Addison as she walked out of a room, as soon as the door to the room closed, she leaned against the wall, and closed her eyes, for the first time that week it occured to Izzie how tired she looked, she walked up to her, the concern she had was hard to shake off, she felt that more often now after Meredith got sick, concern.

"Are you okay?" Addison turned suddenly, and looked at Izzie with a suprise that she'd seen on George only moments before.

"Yeah... I'm just a little bit tired..." Addison said with a tight smile, and her pager went off, "I've got to go" she said, and rushed down the hall.

Izzie closed her eyes too, and when she opend them, she looked around, a woman came crying out of a room with a doctor in tow, saying stuff that didn't matter to her, Izzie shook her head, and went to call Meredith.

* * *

Just a veiw into their lifes, a little more info and stuff. I pu Izzie twice cause it was so little of her in the first...  
And they are gettinga divorse! But don't hold your breath MerDer shippers, cause nothing is decided yet...  
And yes, you see that little button, that can be grey, purple and sometime white? Yes that one, hit it and something really cool will happen! I just love to see the result of it!!!


	7. A loosing battle

Let me just say I'm really angry with myself, I wrote like 1/3 of this chapter, and I by accident pressed a button I shouldn't have, and poof it was gone! And I thought it was good! I tend to do this alot, can't control my fingers:'( I just stared at the screen in shock for minutes...  
:( And I've tried to write, but I've had so many tests right now, and homeworks... gah! I hate it!!  
Well, chapter... now... here okay? And yeah: the rating's up because of _one _bad word, just so you know...  
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, how could I? All I own is a pair of clothes! (Sorry for the looooong authors note)

* * *

She didn't weigh much, he guessed it was the boots she had on that weighed the most on her, she felt like a feather, like nothing, air, in his arms. She had a hood over her pyjama, a green hood, covering her head just to give as much warmth as possible, but she was shaking in his arms. Her eyelids fluttered open, and looked at him, her eyes were tired and shiny, reflecting that she was doing everything in her power to keep her eyes open. 

"Where are we?" she whispered as she snuggled closer to him, trying to get warmer.

"On our way to the hospital" he answered soothingly, and she nodded, closing her eyes, and maybe it was a smile that graced her face.

"Okay Gorgie" and he felt her breathing slow down slightly, and her body relax, he didn't know if it was a good or bad thing at the moment. He quickly put her in the front seat of the car, and hurried to the other side, Izzie was at the hospital in surgery still, with Derek. Meredith had made it clear that she didn't want to see Derek, didn't care if he'd gotten a divorse, it should take for her to get deathly ill for him to want her, she didn't want to need anyone, and she didn't want to be needed, she wanted to love and be loved.

He turned the radio on when they stoped at a redlight, and looked at Meredith who was sleeping with her head resting on the cold window, he had never seen her look so pale. Here eyelids didn't have any eyelashes, she barly had any brows, and no hair was on her head, but she was beatiful, for him she would always be beatiful, sure he loved Callie now, but he would never stop loving Meredith as a friend, he loved her for her flaws and perfections, as he did Callie.

The radio played a ballad for all those who couldn't sleep, it was in the middle of the night after all, he had gone to check on Meredith as he always did when he got home from work, but she didn't sit in the livingroom watching tv, or in the kitchen eating a sandwhich she would later trow up, or by her window looking out, she was asleep on the couch with the tv showing a soap that he knew she hated, and when he tried to wake her up just to check that she was alright, he saw that she barly had the power to simply open her eyes, it was then he decided to take her to the hospital.

He turned the heat on, and she stoped shaking slightly, and he could consentrate on the road, they weren't far away now. He turned off the road where they always turned off, and fought an unfamilliar, but yet familliar feeling, it was all so unreal, everything, everyday was like waking up and living someone elses life, driving Meredith to doctors appointment, to the hospital for chemo, or watching her get food through a tube in her nose when she wouldn't eat. He was tired, Izzie was tired, everyone who dealed with Meredith on a daily basis was tired, and they couldn't even begin to imagen how tired Meredith was.

He parked as close to the ER as he could, and quickly hurried to Meredith's side to get her inside. Again he noted how light she was, everytime he put her down he shruged it off, and that he was just thinking about it too much, but she was light, and her blue and white pyjama pants where not even close to being tight. He took a deep breathe and began to walk to the ER, and when he got inside he quickly got help, both of them being interns there, and Meredith's pale face both helped in the fast assistance.

She quickly got blood, cause her bloodcount was too low, the lowest it had been so far into the treatment, halfway they were then, about 6 months left, more or less, he quickly learned not to count, the days passed more slowly then, they all took in day by day.

He walked the halways on the surgeryfloor to find Izzie, she needed to know that Meredith was in the hospital regardless how worried she would be, last time he didn't tell her cause he thought she would be better off without knowing, she got furious at him them, accusing him of things he had never heard of before. He stopped when he saw Addison and Derek fighting by the board, Addison in her pink scrubs, and Derek in his blue. For a moment her forgot why he was there, he was surprised of himself when he wondered why they were fighting, he was never a person who found an intrest in gossip. But before he could even think of trying to catch something they were saying, Derek was gone, and Addison was staring after him, it was the she saw him, and smiled.

"O'Malley" she greated with a nod of her head, like every doctor that was over him greated him, a sign of respect but also showing that they were over him.

"Dr.Montgomery" he greated back, using her title.

"Why are you here, I thought your shift was over?" she furrowed her eyebrows in slight confusion.

"Meredith needed blood" he explained, and she nodded her head underastinding, and sadness crossed her fetures for a second, before returning to the conversation.

"Oh, how is she?"

"She could be better" he answered quickly, trying to cover up that he was looking behind her while she was speaking.

"Well, tell her that I will try to stop by later?" she said, seeing that he was eager to get away from their conversation.

"I will" he smiled breifly, and started to walk down the hallway.

"O'Malley!" she yelled down the hallway, and he turned around surprised. "Take care of yourself"

"I will" he assured, and turned around the corner to find Izzie.

---------------------------------------

She looked up, trying hard to keep her eyes open. It was dark in the room she was in, and she quickly saw that it was a hospital room, she was att Seattle Grace again. She noticed the red bag hanging above her, and knew the reason she was there, it was the third time this month, every week for 2 weeks, this week it was the second time.

She felt tears forming in her eyes, she was so tired, she didn't know if she still wanted the treatment, she didn't know if she wanted to live anymore, she was so tired, she just wanted to rest, sleep, but she couldn't sleep, she needed to see them before she slept, she was afraid that everytime she closed her eyes it would be the last time.

She wanted to cry, but she needed to be strong for everyone, Izzie was close to a breakdown, George was doing everything he could to take care of her and Izzie at the same time, and still have time being an intern, Christina was... Christina, but she knew that she needed to be strong for her, they were all there for her, she wanted them to know that she was greatful for it, but at times she was too tired to even show it. She felt a tear slid down her face, and she stubbornly wipped it away.

Suddenly the door opened, and in walked a red headed woman- Addison. She smiled at Meredith, and sat down on the chair next to her.

"How are you feeling?" Addison asked, keeping her distance in respect for the woman.

"Tired" Meredith whispered in a thick voice that surprised even her. "Just so... tired" she felt tears well up in her eyes, and she closed her eyes, and rested her head on the pillow, and then she looked up at the celing.

"If you want to talk... I'm here" she heard Addison say, and she nodded, for 10 whole seconds before she understood what she'd said.

"Thank you" she whispered back, and looked at her. And they stayed like that for a few minutes before the silence became too much. "I heard that you and Derek are divorsed" she said.

"Yeah... it became too much, he was too distant, there is a limit to what a marrige can handle" Addison explained breifly, they both knew there was much more to it then that, but it hurt for both of them to think of it. It was funny, they both thought, that two women who wanted the same man couldn't have him because of the other.

"Okay" Meredith sighed. "But I guess you can say that you at least gave it a try"

"I guess we can" Addison smiled at Meredith.

"I remember when he picked you over me, like candy we were picked, I never felt more humiliated then then" Meredith shook her head.

"He loved us both, it was a hard decison" Addison explained.

"And you're defending him?" she laughed rawly, she couldn't believe that Addson could defend Derek after what he'd done to her.

"We're only humans" she shrugged, and Meredith had to agree, they all were only humns, but who said humans can treat each other likr that?

"I wonder how it would be like if me and Derek wouldn't have met before I started my internship here..." it was something she had thought about more often now, she had started to ask herself that when Addison showed up, but now it didn't pop up when she saw them togheter or something, she could be asleep and wake up to that thought, but she never came up with an answer she was pleased with.

"It would've been... diffrent" Addison answered "But you shouldn't think of those what if's, they'll kill you"

"I will probably die anyway" Meredith said.

"That's not true, 3 out f 4 survive cancer, that's 75" Addison reasoned.

"But that's 25 that doesn't, and I think I'm going to be one of those 25, this is the thrid time in two weeks that I've been rushed to the hospital" she fought the tears that were forming in her eyes. "I just hope that everyone will... I don't know how they'll take it"

"Don't worry, you'll survive this"

"You don't know that" Meredith crossed her arms across her chest like a stubborn child.

"Okay... well how do you feel about this?" Meredith looked at her for a second like she was crazy, before her gaze softened.

"I'm scared as hell... but there is nothing I can do, it's just so damned fucked up" she clenched her teeth. "But when this is over... it's over" she saw that Addison was about to answer that, "I'm tired, and I want to sleep" she stoped her, and turned so that her back was to Addison.

"Okay... but get better okay?"

"I sure will try" she muttered into her pillow.

---------------

"How is she?" Izzie asked as they sat in the cafeteria eating breakfast. Dark circle were evident under both of their eyes, they were beyond exhausted. The bills were piling up, and even though Meredith has money, and they worked at the hospital Meredith was treated at, it was not enough to pay the bills, and they didn't know how to pay the bills.

"I think she's getting worse" George answered sadly, it was hard to see one of his best friends fighting against death, and being so close to loosing the battle. He was the one who always brought Meredith to the hospital, it was always him who found her, and everytime it hit him just as hard, he knew that some people took the treatment better, some didn't even lose their hair, but Meredith wasn't one of them.

"I can't believe all this is happening..." Izzie answered, just like she'd done everytime, no one could. It was hard for George and Izzie, to see Meredith like that, but also see Christina becoming more and more like her old self, avoiding them, never looking them in the eyes, one time Izzie found her crying the bathroom, but when she tried to comfort her she was told that she was fine, and that she should find someone else to care for.

"We better start believe it" George said, and stood up. He put away his tray quickly and left the cafeteria, and walked out of the hospital.

It smelled spring, the air fel fresh, it smelled rain, and he closed his eyes, everything was becoming too much to handle, he didn't know if he could handle it if Meredith died, maybe he would have to, maybe she just wouldn't die. He hoped for the latter.

* * *

Review PLEASE! Next chapter: the last, and I will start writing on it as soon as I get the chance! 


	8. Broken hearts

**So this is the last chapter- enjoy**

* * *

_I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done _

Christina was in surgery, she had heard that once again Meredith had been rushed into the hospital, it had been months since the last times she had been rushed into the hospital in the middle of the night, she wondered for a second when they would give the "ok" to stop the treatment. She was in surgery with Derek, and he tried to press her with information while doing the surgery, and she did her best to stay professional, and say that it was none of his buisness, he shoosed his wife, and left Meredith heartbroken. That had shut him up.

_And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it any where  
Away from here_

She looked up to where people could look down on the surgery, and saw that Meredith was walking in there with her pushing her IV after her, and it still shocked her that Meredith was able to walk on those legs. She turned back to the surgery, trying to block out the fact that Meredith had wandered around the hospital when she could easily get an infection and die from it, not to mention that her blood count was low, she shook her head and turned back to the surgery that was soon finished. Derek looked up when he saw that Christina was getting restless and looked up and saw Meredith too, she was now looking down at the surgery smiling, while leaning her head and closed her eyes.

"Go check up on her, we're soon finished anyway" Christina nodded, she felt the urge to yell at Meredith, right now was Meredith and Burke the only thing she had, and she was so close to loosing Meredith that she could easily get mad at her for very little, love and hate- the line is very thin.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

She slowly went up, thinking out what she was going to say to Meredith, it would be easier if she had it all planned out, spontanious yelling wouldn't get her anywhere. She climbed the stairs, two steps at the time, fixing her gaze on the door, Izzie had told her something the other day, something that she would never admit that it got to her, she told her that everyone were scared, just as her, but she couldn't keep herself locked up, it wasn't good for anyone, the least herself and Meredith. She took a deep breathe when she opened the door, and saw that Meredith was sleeping with her head resting on the wall beside her.

"Meredith wake up" she started to shake Meredith, but she stubbornly stayed asleep. "I said _wake up_" she was getting anoyed, and began shaking her more violently, "Meredith" the concern grew in her voice. "Seriously you're scaring me" she looked down in the OR and saw that they were now stitching the guy back up, and that Derek was watching her with concern growing in his eyes, when she met his gaze he bolted out of the OR.

_Louder, Louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say_

"Meredith" he said breatheless when he reached the door, and saw Christina sitting infront of her, trying hard to wipe away the tears that were falling down her face. He shook his head, trying him himself to keep the tears away. "No" he whispered, and ran up to Christina, and sat next to her and started to shake Meredith slightly. "Meredith, wake up, please wake up" suddenly his hands flew up to check her pulse, and he shook when his fear was confirmed. "No" he said, and he felt his heart shatter, it was a pain he couldn't bear, he burried his head in her green hood. "No!" he screamed.

The nurses and interns that were still standing in the OR watched silently as the brain surgeon fell apart, they all felt tears forming in their eyes at the sight of the heartbroken man, and the intern that sat next to him. The intern stood up silently and walked out of the room on unsteady feet, looking down at them for a second.

"That's Meredith Grey" a nurse said to a new one. "Or was" the new nurse nodded, and they all stood silently and watched the man cry, but stoped when they had to wheel the man out to the recovery room.

_To think i might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbyes  
I nearly do_

The news spread fast in the hospital, the nurses told what they'd vitnessed in the OR, and the sad news spread even further. Addison was standing by the nurses station looking trough a shart when she overheard what they were talking about, and she suddenly knew what she had to do. She imedeatly ran towards the cafeteria where she knew Meredith's friends were having lunch right now, she couldn't let them find out trhough the roumormill.

They all looked up at her when she out of breathe reached their table, it was a sunny day so they were eating outside, it suddenly struck Addison that she had no idea how to tell them their best friend just had died.

"Meredith walked to the OR this morning" she started, and looked at their confused faces, but they let her continue. "Dr.Yang was assisting the surgery with Derek..." she trailed off. "And Derek told her to go up and check on her" she bit her lip, and it trembled slightly, and she was surprised how sad she felt, of course she knew she would feel sad, but never knew she would feel _this_ sad. "When Dr.Yang got there... Meredith was" she swallowed "dead" she watched their faces as they fell, theirs glazed their eyes.

"Please tell me your joking" Izzie said, clenching her jaw "Please tell me this is just some sick... joke" their fell from her eyes, and Addison looked down at the ground as she felt her own tears fall. She heard a chair beeing pulled out, and when she looked up she saw Izzie running into the hospital again. She then turned to look at George, his face was blank, and beside him was Callie, holding his hand tightly.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

Everyone wore black, some wore big sunglases to hide their tearstreaked faces, a funeral was always hard on everyone, even though you were never close to the person, but George was, but he still couldn't find it in him to cry. He watched Izzie, she cried, the sobb's that wreacked his body he felt in his heart, all this hurt so damned much. Christina wasn't crying either, she was staring blankly at the coffin at the front, she was holding Burk's hand tightly, their hands looked very pale. Derek was crying, his eyes were red, and it looked as if he hadn't shaved for days. Addison was crying, but she looked as if she had it under control, her eyes only looked slightly pink. The cheif sometimes brought his hand up to the corner of his eyes to wipe a tear away. From Callie's eyes a few tears fell too, but he couldn't cry, he didn't want to believe that he would never hear Meredith speak, laugh, cry, or see her happy, sad, he would never again see or hear her, all that was left of her was this shell, she existed no more.

He listened to the priest, but couldn't prosses what he was saying, only focus on breathing, listen to Callie's breathing next to him too, feel her next to him, her body heat, he wanted something to tell him that he was still alive, cause he felt so dead, like he couldn't feel a thing.

_Louder, Louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say_

They lowered her to the ground, and everyone stood to say their last goodbye. She stayed in her seat untill almost everyone was gone, a month ago they were happy, the doctors said that she only had to stay strong for about two more months, then the treatment would be over, she would be healthy. They all thought that the worst was over after rushing her into the hospital every week for a months time, but last week, she had gotten so scared when she found Meredith siting in the livingroom looking so pale, and all she thought was _oh not again, _she had started to think that she really would survive this.

"Was it worth it you think?" she asked George who had sat down next to her, and she turned to look at him as he turned to look at her.

"Was what worth it?" he asked, watching the emotions flicker in her eyes.

"The chemo, do you think she thought it was worth it?" she turned to look forwards again, and bit her lip. "Cause she died anyway" she felt a tear fall again, and she shook her head, it was hopeless, she couldn't stop thinking about Meredith, she wasn't living anymmore, and still she was on her mind, she half expected the world to stop when she heard the news, she didn't know what hurt the most, that it didn't stop or that it did.

"I think so... It gave her the chance to survive at least... 2/3 survive it" he put a hand around her shoulder and pulled her towards him, but she still wouldn't look at him as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It's unfair... these killers survive... and she who _saves _lifes, she dies before she has even turned 27!" she closed her eyes, she couldn't bare to look at the hole in the ground, she couldn't bare to think that it was her friend, her best friend was in that hole.

_Slower, slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want's to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads_

He was the last to leave, he had stood there hearing Izzie and George talk, heard everyone leave, talk, but he hadn't said a word, not even when his ex-wife aproched him and put a hand on his shoulder and offered to drive him home. He had watched as they filled her grave with dirt, he remembered a new memery of her with each pile of dirt that fell into the hole, and he stood there when they walked away. He stood there as the rain started to pour. He stood there and watched the words that were engraved in the stone.

_**Meredith Anne Grey**_

_**June 17 1979- January 10 2007**_

_**A great friend, a great daugter, a great doctor and a great heart**_

It didn't seam right this for him, it was a life cut short by a disease that had cut so many lifes short, he hated nature at the moment, he hated the fact that he loved her so damned much, the fact that she had to get the disease, and the fact that she was one of the people who couldn't beat it, who couldn't fight nature.

He hated life

_Have heart, my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if its just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess_

He would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night sweating, it was never a real nightmare, it was only that he saw her, that he was with her when she died, that she told him to save her, but he never could, he would always wake up when he checked her pulse. Callie told him to go to a shrink after he had trouble sleeping because he didn't want to wake up to that dream, it had been months since she died, 6 months had gone by, and they were slowly building up their lifes again. After she died they got a break from the program, 3 weeks, they didn't want to risk them hurting any patients while they were blinded by their sorrow.

For the first 4 months they didn't have to do any surgeries in that OR that Christina had one in before she found Meredith dead, he was the first to do the surgery in there, it was a simple surgery, but he couldn't concentrate, half way through he had to exuse himself and leave the OR. Everyone understood how hard it was for them, but they still pushed them so that they could move on, but everyone of them found it hard.

Dr.Shepard left Seattle two months after Meredith died for New York, no one blamed him, if it wasn't for the fact that their intership was at Seattle Grace they would've left too, but they were all silently waiting for their fellowship, no one was brave enough to ask for transfer, only Christina, but she transfered to a near by hospital, she didn't want to leave Burke, or it was him who didn't want to leave her.

And the years went by, they kept touch with Christina, their fellowship came, and they left for diffrent parts of the country to never come back to that hospital again, but they never forgot Seattle Grace, the hospital where the got and lost a great friend. They would on the anneversery of her death they would during the first years fly back to Seattle to light a candle or leave a rose or some sort of flower on her grave, but as they got older they didn't find as much time to do so, but if they could find time they would sometimes come on her death or birth annevesery.

After 10 years they all flew to Seattle to honor her on the 10 year anneversery of her death, with their children they sat next to her grave and told each other what was going on in their lifes, and they would smile and laugh even though the pain the date caused them.

_Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you can not hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear_

**They would always greif her death, the way the world fell apart, like domino, one by one, but they would also thank her for what she gave them, the time they had with her, and what they learned from her death.**

**She was after all, just one in a million.**

* * *

Disclaimer: Do not own Grey's Anatomy or Run by Snow Patrol.  
Sorry for the wait, it was hard to write, but a rerun of Grey's got me on the right track, so here it is, the first story I've ever finished (Do not count school projects).  
Thanks every one who reviewed! Really made me smile, and everyone who put up with my bad bad grammar and spelling, I'm currently trying to find a dictionary!

REVEIW! PLEASE! I NEEEEEEEEEED REVIEWS:D


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